Red Daze (赤ボーッ)
by BakaAndTensaiProductionz
Summary: Uzumaki Haru of Team 7, the Team 7 that no one remembers, specifically. No I'm not the dude with the one Sharingan eye. I'm not the only hyperactive Uchiha EVER either. I'm just the kunoichi with a witty retort and a hatred of logs that I can't even explain. And you don't even want to get me started on the turtle. Seriously.
1. Chapter 1

I was raised on the streets of Konohagakure. My mom didn't have a home. She said she was kicked out of her clan because they were mad that she had me. Her name was Uchiha Taki, and she was the sister of the current head.

She was a kind woman, with brown straight hair and black eyes. Though we didn't have a roof over our heads, and no one would hire her, we still made it on the streets. With a little food in our bellies, and each other. She would teach me cool games, and how to read.

Though, the thing is I couldn't see very well. I could see, but everything was always blurry. I didn't complain, though, because I still had my mom.

But when I was 5, I was asleep in an alley with my mom right next to me. I heard a scream and my eyes snapped open.

"Kaa-san!" I exclaimed.

There were men with red eyes surrounding us. She jumped up, and pushed me behind her.

"Haru! Stay behind me!" she barked, looking behind me with the same red eyes as the men.

"Well if it isn't little Taki-chan? Do ya still reject your big brother's offer?" one of the men asked.

"Go the fuck away, Tomoe!" Mom yelled.

He sped up to her, glaring in her eyes.

"Taki-chan, your father offers you a spot in his favor. Just kill that brat, then you can go back to your nice life. Just take it. I'm sick of your father sending us on this same damn mission to convince you to kill the thing." he said.

Mom harshly punched him across the face.

"You bitch!" he yelled.

She picked me up and began jumping away from rooftop to rooftop.

"We see you, Taki-chan!" he yelled.

She began harshly panting, while coughing. She was hopping towards the Hokage Tower.

She was about to make a big jump when someone grabbed her ankle and pulled her down.

She fell on her back, and I fell on top of her.

She was coughing up blood.

"You won't take my child. I'll protect her with my life! I'll never go back to the Uchiha Compound if that means giving up my Haru!" she yelled.

"Your a fool, Taki-chan. You know we can't let this thing live. She is an Uchiha, yes, but she is a Uzumaki too! It's offensive and plain wrong to have someone from that weak clan related to us! You know that! You were supposed to a main branch Hyuga! Not have a one night fling with an Uzumaki!" he shouted.

"We knew each other since we were kids! We liked each other for years! We started dating, then Tou-sama had him killed! That is this damn Uchiha clan's fault! I can not forgive you evil fucks for killing Uzumaki Kaito!" she yelled.

Tomoe went up to her, and knocked her out.

He looked at me.

I couldn't see him well, but I could see those three red eyes, coming closer and closer to me.

Mom couldn't help me.

I backed up to the wall.

I got on the ground covering my head.

I cried, and sobbed, but I didn't say a word as they beat me down.

Soon, I was on the ground, holding the breath I didn't know I was holding.

I had finally passed out after having all the life beat out of me.

It seemed like I was just in a near death state.

When I woke up, I was sore, dirtier than usual.

I saw my mom had a bloody kunai in her hand.

She was on the ground face down.

"Kaa-san? Kaa-san!" I said, shaking her.

She didn't move a muscle.

"KAA-SAN!" I yelled.

I rolled her over and saw she was pale and she had a huge slash across her stomach.

"KAA-SAN! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! PLEASE! I'LL BE GOOD! I'LL GIVE YOU ALL MY FOOD! PLEASE JUST WAKE UP!" I yelled shaking her.

"Are you okay?" a voice said from the street.

"MY KAA-SAN! FIX HER PLEASE!" I screamed at the red headed Kunoichi.

She ran over, and saw her.

She quickly took her pulse.

"Oh my god..." she muttered.

"C-can you fix my Kaa-san?" I asked quietly.

"Sh-She's dead, dattebane." she said, her eyes filling up with tears.

"NO!" I screamed clutching to my mom's cold lifeless body as if my life depended on it. The kunoichi tried to get me off of her. I held on even tighter to her.

She ripped me off of my mom's body, and I dragged a long strip off of her dress.

The kunoichi hugged me.

I had never been hugged by anyone other than my mother. The hug felt like mom's. It didn't smell the same, or anything, but it just felt like mom's arms were wrapped around me, whispering sweet soothing words in my ear.

I fell asleep in the woman's arms.

I woke up, frightened, but I kept my eyes closed.

"Hokage-sama, I found her with her mother who had commited seppaku*. She was crying and screaming for her Kaa-san." the kunoichi's voice said.

"I have a feeling I know exactly who these people are. The woman is Uchiha Taki, daughter of the head of the Uchiha Clan. She's the black sheep. She was arranged to marry I believe Hyuga Hiashi, but instead she had the child of an Uzumaki." he said.

"There's another Uzumaki here?!" the kunoichi exclaimed.

"No, he died a long time ago on a mission in Kumogakure. He was a fine Shinobi. But, the Uchiha Clan found out, and she was given a choice. Kill the child and come back to the clan or be disowned forever. That's all I ever heard about it. I assumed it all worked out since I never saw the two on the streets or anything. I guess I was just naive." the man's voice said.

I opened my eyes and looked at the two that were talking above me. They were even more blurry than usual. I kept blinking trying to see them a little bit better.

"Are you okay, hun?" The kunoichi asked.

"Mmhm..." I said, nodding.

"So, can you tell me your name, young one?" the man asked. He was an older man in a cloak and hat that had the kanji for fire on it.

"H-H-Haru, sir..." I whispered.

"Haru? That's a lovely name. If you can, can you tell me what is the last thing you remember?" he asked.

"Red... Kaa-san... Red eyes... Kunai... Kunoichi..." I whispered very softly.

"Uchiha Clan... I'll have a talk with them. Kushina-chan, do you want to stay with Haru-chan?" he asked.

"If only she doesn't mind." Kushina said.

I grabbed her wrist.

I don't know why I did, but she seemed like a kind person and since I had no one left, it would have been best to have at least one smiling face around me.

"Well, I guess that I'll be staying here with you then!" she said with a large smile.

"Please, and thank you." I said softly.

"So do you want to talk, or do you just want me to keep you company?" Kushina asked.

"Um, what ever you'd rather do." I said.

"Okay! So how old are you?" she asked.

"I'm five years old." I answered.

She asked me a lot of questions seeming to soak everything in.

"I just love your hair!" she said, looking at my short reddish brown hair.

"Thank you, your's is very nice too." I whispered, looking down.

Frankly, her hair actually reminded me too much of blood.

"Thanks! I don't hear that from a lot of people!" she said.

"Kushina-chan, do you mind coming out for a second?" the man's voice asked.

"Sure, Hokage-sama!" she chanted, leaving the room before giving me a grin.

3rd POV

"Kushina-chan, the Uchiha head said that he sent some lower Uchiha police men to collect his daughter and granddaughter, and he believed that the men probably did something to the mother. We are most definatly not letting the child stay on the street or with the Uchiha Clan. So, since we have no one on the mother's side of the family that we would be capable of raising her, even though you are young, we would like for you to raise the child or at least let her stay with you. We will have ANBU protecting her 24/7 but I think you would be more suitable to be her guardian than anybody else." the elderly Hokage said.

Kushina was shocked.

"So if I don't take care of her, she will go to the orphanage... I don't want to force her to live with me. I'm not even sure if she even likes me..." Kushina said.

"I heard her talking to you in there, she seemed to be comfortable in there with you. She was quiet and meek as a mouse when I was talking to her. She was speaking louder to you. I think she enjoys your company." the Hokage said.

"I don't know, dattebane... How about we ask her?" she asked.

"Yes..." a small voice said.

They turned around and saw the small girl peeking her head through the door.

"You were listening?" the Hokage asked with a smile. He secretly knew she was there the whole time.

"Yes, I was. I apologize. But, I would like to stay with Kushina-sama if she will let me." Haru whispered.

"Of course I'll let you stay with me! Us red heads need to stick together, dattebane!" Kushina exclaimed

Kushina gave that heartwarming grin again to the young girl.

The young Haru Uzumaki decided she wanted to be like Kushina and her mother.

To be able to give a smile that could brighten anyone's day.

*seppaku is pretty much the samurai way of commiting suicide, but its an honorable suicide. Thats seppaku in a nutshell


	2. Chapter 2

**Please forgive the crazy formatting. This was formatted for WattPad and I just Copy and Pasted this over. I will change this soon. So please stick with it, and don't judge because of the spacing! Thank you, and again I'm sorry!**

I had major bruising and a broken wrist, luckily, that was all that was wrong. So, I was allowed to leave the hospital the day that I woke up with Kushina.

"So, Haru-san, do you have anything that you want to get?" Kushina asked.

"When you hugged me. I tore off a piece of Kaa-san's dress. Do you know where that piece of fabric is?" I asked.

"Yeah, I grabbed it because I thought you would have wanted it." she handed me the strip of black fabric.

"Thank you, Kushina-san." I whispered, tying the strip around my unbroken wrist.

"Is there anything else?" she asked.

"No. All I have is the clothes on my back." I said.

Kushina gave a small sigh.

"Well, how about we get you home, and let you you shower and I'll see if I can find some old clothes of mine for you to wear until we can go shopping, okay?" she asked.

"That will be fine." I said.

She led me through the streets to a cute house that was nicely decorated.

"It'll be just you and me here, though my friend comes here a lot. You'll meet him soon." she said.

"Okay. Where is the bathroom?" I asked.

"Oh, second door on the right! I'll bring you some clothes right away!" Kushina said.

"Thank you very much."

I walked into the bathroom. I had no idea how to work this shower. I turned the handle and on came the water, it was cold.

The water started to gradually get warmer. I got in and felt the warm water hit my body. It was so relaxing and comforting.

I saw some liquid soap that was cherry blossom scented. I rubbed it on my skin and it smelled much better than my mixture of dirt and sweat. Brown and red was easily seen in the water. It felt amazing. I got my hair wet and used the cherry blossom scented shampoo and conditioner.

It was extravagent, and relaxing.

I felt so new and clean.

When I got out I saw Kushina had put out a black t-shirt with the Konohagakure leaf on it, the Uzushiogakure on the sleeve and some dark green shorts and some old shinobi sandals.

The clothes, felt fresh and clean too. It was wonderful, I was so happy. But then it also hit me. I shouldn't be enjoying that. I had the feeling of freshness and clean, because I had lost my mom to get to this place. It wasn't anyone's fault but the Uchiha's fault.

I didn't want to get revenge. I wanted them to feel inferior. Just like they made my mom feel. Not physical pain, but mental pain. I wanted them to feel as if the Uzumaki Clan was better than their lowly Uchiha Clan. But do it all, while giving others smiles. I wanted to become a kunoichi, or maybe even Hokage!

Yes, I wanted to be Hokage.

Yondaime Hokage, Uzumaki Haru!

I came out with a smile, though it was immediately replaced by the look of sadness and indifference. I had to be able to be smiling, and happy to become Hokage. But I couldn't force myself to smile. I wasn't strong enough for it.

"Haru-chan? Did they fit you okay?" Kushina asked.

"Yes, thank you." I said giving her tiny small. The slightest rising of my cheeks.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty?" she asked.

"I'm a bit hungry..." I said. As if on cue, my stomach screamed in rage. I tried to fight the blush on my cheeks.

"I have the perfect solution for that! RAMEN!" she exclaimed.

"Ra-men? What's that?" I asked.

"You've never heard of ramen?! Not even had a taste of it?! That's blasmephy! That-That!" she widened her eyes, and quietened down.

"I'll get some ramen, dattebane..." she said.

'She must think she must have offended me by freaking out about me not ever having ramen...' I thought.

She went to her stove and put a small square bag of noodles in a pot and began boiling water. I sat down at the table behind her.

"You know, you should not feel bad about saying that. I am not offended by the mentioning of a food I never had before. Me being homeless would be an idiotic reason to get angered." I said.

"I'm sorry, I just don't exactly know how to talk to you without possibly angering you or something, dattebane..." Kushina said.

"Just be yourself... Then people will like you for who you really are. That's what Kaa-san would always say." I said.

"Oh my god, it's about to burn!" she exclaimed turning around tending to the smoking noodles.

I ignored her small sniffles.

In a few minutes, I was eating the delicious noodles.

"How do you like it, Haru-chan?" Kushina asked.

"It's delectable." I said.

"Kushina-chan!" I heard a man's voice sing. She instantly turned around, and I saw a man walk in. He was a tall blond man in the standard shinobi uniform.

"Minato-kun!" she exclaimed with a now crimson face.

"Good afternoon. Well who's this?" he asked bending down to look at me.

I looked at his kind eyes. His eyes looked too similar to my mom's eyes. They were the same shape, just bright blue instead of an onyx black. I quickly looked away and frowned.

"This is Haru. Uzumaki Haru." she said. His eyes widened, then softened. "Well, I'm Namikaze Minato. It's a pleasure to meet you!" he said holding out his hand.

"The pleasure is all mine, dattebana..." I whispered.

He smiled.

"Is she going to be staying here?" he asked.

"Yes! Somethings happened, and since I'm one of her only relatives, she'll be staying here with me!" Kushina said.

"Do you belong to Kushina-san?" I asked.

They both immediately blushed.

"Ha, ha! She already gets how this relationship works, dattebane!" Kushina exclaimed.

"I guess she does own me," Minato said as he laughed.

"I assumed so." I whispered with a small smile.

Kushina came up to me and rubbed my head, messing up my short reddish brown waves.

"Actually, I totally forgot I was going to take her shopping! Oh my gosh! Haru-chan, are you ready to go?!" Kushina said.

"Affirmative. Let me just go put on some shoes." I said walking to the room she had told me I could stay in.

3rd POV

"She has a large vocabulary. How old did you say she was?" Minato asked his girlfriend.

"She's five years old, and your right. I noticed that she's pretty mature, especially for a five year old. I don't know if it's the fact she had just lost her mother that changed her personality or what. I just have a feeling that she wasn't always like this." Kushina said.

"Do you think she'll want to become a kunoichi?" he asked.

"I don't know. She's very smart and I have no doubt that she would be a great kunoichi, it's just... We're at war right now, and I don't want her to be sent to the front lines, or worse with Danzo. She's half Uchiha, and we all know he's oddly obsessed with that clan. Having an Uchiha with Uzumaki blood too would probably make an awfully happy one-eyed man." Kushina said.

"I guess it's up to young Haru then. She has plenty of time to decide." Minato said.

"I'm ready." Haru said walking calmly down the hall zipping up a bright yellow hoodie.

"Okay! Minato-kun, are you going to want to come?" Kushina asked.

"Oh, haha, no thanks. I think I'll go visit Sakumo-san and Kakashi-kun!" Minato said nervously.'I have had too many shopping experiences with Kushina-chan. I pity the child. She won't possibly be too rough with her... Will she?' Minato shrugged and left the child behind. Survive, Uzumaki Haru!

Haru's POV

"This *huff* is really tiring *huff* Kushina-san..." I said as she dragged me around the village picking out dresses, t-shirts, skirts, and other necessities.

"Ah, we're almost done, Haru-chan!" Kushina said.

"I think we have enough, Kushina-san..." I said.

"Don't you want a new necklace or something to replace your little brown necklace with the red bead?" she asked.

"No thank you. It is a momento from my Tou-san." I replied.

She looked a little bit sad, before noticing and forcing herself to cheer back up.

"Okay, we'll be finished, but only if you answer this question. Are you planning on becoming a kunoichi?" she asked.

"Yes! I want to be Hokage!" I said.

She gave a small chuckle.

"Are you sure? Because really I'm sure I can sign you up now and you could probably do well." Kushina said.

"I know for sure I want to do it! I'm gonna become Hokage, dattebana!" I exclaimed.

"Hm, well fine. Then we have one more store to go to." Kushina said and began walking in the opposite direction.

"What?! Kushina-saaaan! You said we'd be finished!" I said.

Kushina turned around, "We have to get your ninja supplies don't we?" she asked.

I smiled and ran to catch up with her.

**Sorry, like I said before, I will edit this soon and make the format less, spaced out and weird**


	3. Hideyoshi

Kushina said that I would have a lot of studying to do so that I could do well. She didn't want me to be the dead last, and frankly I didn't want to be the dead last. I wanted to do well, learn all I could, and have everything down.

And the only way I could to that is to study and train. Kushina said she would help me with training, and Minato offered to help me where Kushina couldn't.

She got me a bunch of books on everything from E-Rank Jutsu to History of Konohagakure. And I read them all. Every encyclopedia, how-to book, and decoding book. And I had retained everything.

The physical training was a different story. Taijutsu was exhausting. Punches hurt my hands, shuriken would cut my fingers, and anything speed or stamina wise was terrible.

But I was able to get the basics, well, somewhat.

In about three months, I would be done with my pre-Academy training with Kushina and Minato. They said I was good enough to get through the first year easily with all A's.

And I would be entering the next week.

"Alright, Haru-chan. You're going to be entering the Academy next week, and your going to make friends before you go!" Kushina said.

"Why? I am not exactly good at talking to people..." I muttered.

"You talk to us just fine!" Minato said.

"I know you both. You are like family. I do not really know how I'm going to make people my age like me." I whispered.

"Didn't you tell me something your Kaa-san said? Be yourself and people would like you for who you really are." Kushina said.

"Fine, I will willingly go. But when it ends with someone choking on a pacifier, it will not be my fault, dattebana." I said.

"Alright then, glad you'll go willingly! Let's get to the park!" Kushina said.

Minato and Kushina walked me to the park. I was wearing a dark blue dress, a white hoodie, and blue shinobi sandals.

"What if no one's there, dattebana?" I asked.

"Oh, I made sure people will be there." Kushina said.

"You invited people to come, didn't you?" Minato asked.

"Of course! I invited Sarutobi Asuma, Yūhi Kurenai, and little Nohara Rin, she's so cute!" Kushina said.

"Well, I invited Kakashi-kun. I felt like he needed to make some friends too." Minato said.

"That is a lot of people, dattebana. I do not wanna do this, dattebana! I am gonna make a f-fool of myself and then I will get beaten up. And you know it sucks to get beaten up. Then I'll be cursed to get beaten up for the rest of my days. Then I will have to move to a small mountain village and change my name to Hideyoshi, dattebana! Please do not cause me to have to go by the name Hideyoshi!" I said very quickly.

Kushina ruffled my hair.

"You'll be fine, Haru-chan, stop worrying about it. Just be yourself." Kushina said.

"But myself is quiet and shy, she does not like being around a lot of people." I whispered.

"Haru-chan... I have something to tell you." Minato said.

"Y-yes, sir?" I said.

"We're here." he said, turning me around.

"Ah! H-how did we get here so fast, dattebana?!" I exclaimed.

"Have fun~" two voices called before disappearing.

"Wait! I don't know my way back! Kushina-chan! Minato-san!" I called.

I turned around to see four little heads turned around looking at me.

"Oh sweet mother of kami, dattebana..." I muttered.

One of the girls got up and walked over to me. She had short brown hair and purple oval like marking on her face.

"Hi, I'm Nohara Rin! You wanna play with us?" she asked.

"Um... Sure, dattebana..." I whispered.

She pulled me to the group of kids. One of the kids was up in a tree reading, and the others were playing hide and go seek.

The other girl that was there walked up to me. She had pretty black hair and dark red eyes. Not the scary one's but really pretty ones.

"I'm Yūhi Kurenai. It's nice to meet you." she said.

"I-I'm Uzumaki Haru, dattebana..." I whispered.

Then, a nice friendship was born.

Rin, Kurenai, and I would all hang out while Asuma followed Kurenai around, but Kakashi wouldn't have anything to do with us.

At first, I was silent and awkward since I had never had friends, and didn't know what to do or say. But they seemed to be patient with me and I think they enjoyed my company. And personally, I enjoyed theirs.

They were fun and nice.

Two days before school came along and I took my entrance exam, getting into the Academy with flying colors thanks to Pre-Academy training.

Then, the first day of school came along.

I got to class early with a bunch of books in my backpack. I looked at the many seats and saw my name on one. I hurried and sat in it. I looked at the names all around. I looked at the one to my right, Nohara Ren. Well, wait. I looked closer and it said Rin, so they hadn't spelled it wrong. I looked to the left and saw Uchiwa Obito. I shrugged and proceeded to look. In front of me was Hatake Kakashi, and behind me was Yūhi Kurenai.

I was actually happy with my seat. There were no Uchiha anywhere near me, and I got to sit near my friends.

I was shaking with nervousness. Though I had a few friends, I was scared of the rest of the kids. What if they didn't like me? Teased me about my verbal tick? Or beat me up?

I prayed to Jashin, Kami, or whoever was up there to let them like me. Let them not tease me or leave me behind.

More and more people came in. Rin and Kurenai immediately started talking to me when they saw me.

"I-I'm scared..." I whispered.

"Why? You shouldn't be scared!" Rin said with a smile.

"I think bravery just doesn't like me..." I said.

"Well then say whatever to bravery! Don't focus on being brave! Focus on being courageous. Have courage, and do what you want. That will be show bravery who's boss!" Kurenai said.

"Okay..." I whispered.

"Alright, class... I'm Haruno Masako." a light pink haired woman announced.

"We're going to do some simple introductions, one at a time. Just say your name, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams, got it. No more no less. You have two minutes for your introduction. No chit chat, no offending other clans, and no eating your crayons. Yeah, I'm looking at you Akimichi. And no I don't care about the fact you like purple ones because the blue ones are too tart. I've heard that all before from your brother last year. So, let's start with you, sunglasses kid, I assume you're an Aburame." Masako-sensei said.

We went through a series of introductions while Masako-sensei was commenting on our names, clothes, or who we were related to.

"I-I'm Uzumaki H-Haru, dattebana... I like ramen and my family. I d-dislike mean people," don't offend other clans, "Being woken up, taijutsu training, and udon. I like to draw, p-practice socializing, and reading. M-My dream is to b-be Hokage, dattebana." I muttered.

"Uzumaki, eh. You're related to Kushina-san. Hmph, that tomato woman is crazy." Masako-sensei said.

"Did you say something, Masako-chan?" Kushina's voice said. We all turned around and looked at the door. Kushina's head was poked in and she was holding a bento box.

"Oh, d-did I leave it at home? I'm sorry, Kushina-san." I muttered, running up to get it. She ruffled my hair.

"Don't worry about it, Haru-chan." she said.

I gave her a slight smile and I sat down at my seat.

I could see Masako-sensei looking very afraid of Kushina.

"Bye, Masako-chan! I'll be seeing you later!" Kushina sang as she left.

As soon as Kushina left the room, Masako-sensei straightened up.

"Alright, now that the interuption is over with, last is Uchiha Obito." she said.

I sucked in air. It didn't say Uchiwa, my eyes were just bad. He was an Uchiha. The very clan I wanted to make feel inferior. I thought of him as a good rival, try to get better than him. Since surely he had great training being an Uchiha.

"I'm Uchiha Obito, I like helping people, playing pranks, and eating! I don't like people who abandon others and people that are stuck up and rude. My hobbies include pranking and seeing what will suit the next day best, cooking, helping others, and practicing my dance moves. My dream is to become Hokage!" he said.

"ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP YOU DOUBLE DECKERED PIG FART! YOU WON'T BECOME A NINJA, MUCH LESS THE HOKAGE UNTIL YOU GET YOUR HEAD OUTTA YOUR HAMSTER HOLE AND ARE ABLE TO PULL A KUNAI OUTTA YOUR WEINER SLOT!" Masako-sensei yelled.

Obito was silent.

To make things even better (even better than an Uchiha being humiliated) he had a dream that rivaled with mine. So that made it even more motivating for me. I didn't say anything out loud. But the boy that sat infront of me, Kakashi, scoffed.

"Hey! What hell are you scoffing at?!" Obito yelled.

"The thought of you being Hokage. Red head back here has a better chance than you, but that isn't saying much." Kakashi said.

"Hey, don't bring me into this... And stop bullying too... If he wants to become Hokage, who are you to judge?" I whispered.

'Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer...'

"Yeah, who are you to judge?! You're such a bastard!" Obito exclaimed.

'He doesn't act very Uchiha like. Actually, he reminds me of someone...' I thought.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, UCHIHA-BOY!" Masako-sensei yelled, smacking the back of Obito's head.

After class, I was about to get out my lunchbox to eat by myself in the classroom. Since Rin and Kurenai had already went outside.

Uchiha Obito came up to me.

"Thank you for sticking up for me, Haru-san." Obito said, shyly.

I gave a small smile.

"It was no problem, Obito-san. I was just doing the right thing." I whispered.

"No, really! Thank you! No one has ever done that for me..." he said.

'Is this guy really an Uchiha?'

"Well, I am sorry I could not get any l-louder with him... I am not exactly the best at socializing, much less sc-scolding." I said, taking a bite out of my rice ball.

"Well, you did fine, Haru-chan! Hey, anybody sitting with you?" he asked.

"No... Feel free to sit in here with me, if you would like." I said.

"So, what are you doin' after school?" he asked.

"I don't know... Most likely going home to study. Or train." I said.

"Well, you want hang out at the park? You can invite your friends if ya want! It'll be a lot of fun. Plus, I can get you used to talking to people in no time! The people at my clan say that I never stop talking which isn't true. I just enjoy talking. Almost as much as I love eating. Especially dango. I love dango, is really good isn't it." he just kept on talking.

And talking.

And talking.

He wasn't exactly what I expected. He wasn't being mean, he didn't have those scary eyes.

'Maybe I should let myself be friends with him. Because of his personality, I can't see myself being mental rivals with him. But I won't let him be Hokage before me. He is still an Uchiha after all. But I will let myself be friends with him.' I thought to myself.

* * *

**I have links to pictures of Masako-sensei and Haru-chan on my profile along with links to other Fics of mine, like As The Snow Melts. Feel free to check it out! Don't be ghost readers, and thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

End of 1st Year of being an Academy Student

* * *

"Okay, Haru-chan. It's simple. Before you get the hang of throwing shuriken and kunai, you have to have the strength and precision that is needed. You may be learning all the formulas and angles for throwing but this may help." Minato said.

He went in his pocket and took out a small ball.

"Minato-san, that's a ball." I said pointing at it.

"It may be small, but if you put chakra in it, it's really heavy. So, all you have to do is take this ball, throw it at me, and have it hit me. That's it." Minato said.

"So it is a chakra ball?" I asked.

"Hm... Interesting concept... But not exactly. You think of it like that if you want." he said.

"Okay..." I said.

He threw the ball to me, and I thought I had it. But it fell on the ground right infront of me, leaving me confused.

"It fell right in front of you, did you not see it?" he asked.

"Well, it is a little bit blurry, but I thought that was normal for people to see that way." I said.

He walked up to me. He waved his hand infront of my face.

"Alright, how many kunai am I holding up?" he asked.

I squinted my eyes.

"Uh, seven?" I guessed.

"I should have known. You probably need glasses." he said.

I blinked slightly.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's probably why you're not doing so good in taijutsu and weapons." he said ruffling my hair.

"So it is not because I suck?" I asked.

He chuckled. "No, c'mon we better get you to Kushina so she can get you an appointment at the doctors." he said.

"Can you treat me to some ramen before we go? Because if I have to pick glasses out with Kushina-san, she is going to treat it like a shopping trip and it will be traumatizing for me to see it even more clearly." I asked.

He gave me a smile, "Sure, but more than likely, we'll run into her at Ichiraku's." he said.

"It will for sure be worth it, Minato-san!" I said.

I ended up needing glasses because I had some really bad vision. Kushina and I comprimised on glasses style deciding on brown glasses with red dots on the ends that were big and round. I liked them, but Kushina was still pouting about the fact I didn't want the cat eyed bright green one's.

I went to school the next day, a little scared that I looked stupid. I walked in and the only one's that were gawking at me were Kurenai, Rin, and Obito.

"Good morning... Do I look okay with these on?" I asked.

"You look so cute!" Rin and Kurenai exclaimed at the same time.

"You look different." Obito said.

Rin was instantly behind him, punching him on the back of the head.

"Ow, Rin-chan! That hurt!" Obito said.

"OBITO! SHUT UP WHILE I START MY LESSON YOU DAMN TAMPON IN GOGGLES!" Masako-sensei yelled.

"Err... Sorry Masako-sensei... ya dirty old hag..." He mumbled the last part.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, YA DEAD-LAST SHIT FOR BRAINS!?" Masako-sensei yelled furiously.

"I-I said there was a farty old bag outside!" Obito answered.

"Because of Goggles over here, now instead of my fascinating lesson on ninjutsu, that will be very useful for next year in your Maneuvers Classes, but now more 15 minute sprinting!" Masako-sensei yelled.

"Your a sadist!" someone yelled.

"Oh did I say 15? I meant 30!" she yelled back.

The class was then silent.

"HMPH! DAMN BRATS! I COULD BE WORKIN' IN THE MEDIC-CORPS BUT NOOOO! I GOT INJURED AND HAVE TO TEACH YOU LITTLE SHITS! LISTEN UP, I WAS WORKING HARD TO MOVE UP THE RANKS WHILE YOU WERE EATIN YOUR OWN SHIT IN YOUR DIAPER! SO SHOW SOME RESPECT AND DO WHAT I SAY, YOU HEAR ME! CHA!" Masako-sensei yelled.

She continued her loud rant even into our thirty minute running.

"Obito, this is all your fault!" Kurenai exclaimed.

"Hey, she picks on me on purpose I'm telling you!" Obito said.

"Who knows, maybe she had a crush on the Uchiha family head as a kid and he rejected her brutally. The Uchiha are known for their good looks!" Rin said.

Obito was looking really smug with a smile.

"I guess it skipped a generation." Kurenai said with a laugh.

"Hey! Waah~ Haru-chan! Kurenai's being mean to me!" Obito cried.

I just giggled at their shenanigans.

"Haru-chan! Don't tell me you agree with them!" Obito said.

"No, yes... I do not know... You are okay, but I spend time with you for your personality." I said.

"Ah, Haru-chan~" Obito said.

"She never exactly answered your question." Kurenai deadpanned.

I immediatly started running faster leaving the three laughing friends of mine behind.

Then a few days after that, our first year at the Academy was over. Our Basics year was done. Next was Second Year, the Manuevers year. Where we were supposed to learn about ninja tools, ninjutsu, survival methods, and taijutsu. And we were supposed to start sparring.

I was excited to show my stuff. Since learning this stuff was the first step to being Hokage!

But what most of the kids in my class were excited about was no more Haruno Masako! Our crazy sensei. I think we were all sick of hearing about her failed dates, and her strangest ninja missions.

Then it was time for our summer break. A time for us to learn more from our relatives, or hang out with friends.

I used most of that time to train with Kushina or Minato when he was home. Kushina and I started on the basics of basics for fūinjutsu, which just included practicing handwriting and drawing the Uzumaki seal.

We also started getting deeper into taijutsu, now that I could see well, and basic jutsu.

One of my classmates had already graduated. He was closer to becoming Hokage than I was. I wanted to show just how smart I really was, but I was scared. Because the kids that graduated early would go to the front lines of war, and kill. I wasn't ready, I wasn't brave enough for that. I could barely raise my voice above a low, soft tone without getting scared I would let out my vocal tick or begin to studder. I was still a coward, and I had to work on that.

I began to see Kurenai less and less, since she was working with her father in genjutsu, which was their clan specialty. Obito had mandatory lessons with other Uchiha members so that he could begin learning their taijutsu and fire techniques.

So usually, that summer it was either me training, or studying with Rin.

One day when I was training with Kushina she pulled out a piece of paper.

"Alright, Haru-chan, this is chakra paper. It's really simple. You focus some chakra into it, then it will tell you your chakra nature." she said.

"Really?! I would really love to know so I can start on my jutsu training!" I exclaimed.

"Here's the catch..." Kushina quickly said.

"I knew it..."

"Before we start on that, it's time to work on chakra control. When the classes start back up, they will begin teaching you about chakra control, and they'll show you an exercise called the Leaf Exercise, where you have to stick a leaf to your forehead with your chakra. But, for those with a lot of chakra it's really difficult. So, I'm going to teach you a similar technique, then when you get a hang of it, we can go on to a different one." she said.

She held up a feather.

"All you have to do is take this feather, and stick it to your hand, then repel. Make it look like it's floating." she said, demonstrating.

"Um, excuse me, Kushina-san, but are you crazy?! That is logically impossible, and they've never mentioned this exercise in a chakra control book!" I said.

Kushina hit the back of my head, "I'm not crazy, dattebane! Just do as I say!" she yelled.

"Yes, ma'am!" I said, immediatly sitting down and beginning to work on the technique.

I spent the day.

After day.

After day.

After day trying to get that technique. I could barely get the feather to move.

Soon enough, it got to the point to where I would barely leave the Training Ground, and Kushina or Minato would have to bring me food.

"DANG IT, WHY CAN'T I DO THIS?! HOW AM I GONNA BECOME HOKAGE WHEN I CAN'T EVEN LIFT A FEATHER?!" I yelled.

"Wow, Haru-chan... That was the loudest I ever heard you speak. And did I hear a 'can't' it instead of a 'can not'? It's suprising, really." a voice said from behind me.

"Rin-chan? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I got worried about you when you didn't meet me at the library the other day. So I went to your house, and Kushina-san said you were out here training." she replied.

"I brought some fruit! Do you want some?" she asked.

On cue my stomach screamed, "YES!"

"Well, I guess I am a little bit hungry, dattebana..." I said rubbing the back of my head.

She handed me an orange.

"Thank you, Rin-chan." I said.

"No problem, Haru-chan. So, who do you think we'll be getting as a sensei next year?" she asked.

"Hm... I would guess Amai-sensei. She was supposed to be a really sweet, kind hearted teacher." I said.

"Isn't she just the Kunoichi Classes teacher?" Rin asked.

"Well, I do not know... But I think she would be better than Masako-sensei." I said.

"She was eccentric..." Rin said.

"She calls you Rinny-Girl, right?" I asked.

"Hmph... Hey, at last I'm not Uzumaki-Bombastic!" Rin said.

"I still have no idea where she came up with that one..." I muttered.

I looked at Rin and she looked at me. We both started just laughing hysterically thinking back to all the crazy things Masako-sensei said.

"ALRIGHT! HERE'S A GOOD RULE OF THUMB. IF YOUR GOING UP AGAINST A MALE GENIN OR LOWER. JUST KICK HIM IN THE BAWLS, THAT'S AN INSTANT WIN, GIRLS, CHA!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, UCHIHA-BOY, CHA!"

"You know with the way some of the kids act in here... I bet some of your mom's wish they had swallowed you."

"YOU SHOULDA KNOWN I WAS THERE UCHIHA-BOY! IF I WAS A PUMA I WOULDA EATEN YOU BY NOW, THEN SPIT YOU OUT BECAUSE YOU'D BE BAD FOR MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM, CHA!"

"Masako-sensei was so crazy..." Rin said.

"Cha! What'd ya say, RINNY-GIRL?!" a voice yelled from behind us.

We turned around and saw a very angry Masako-sensei running towards us.

We both were too terrified to move. She got closer to us, and I could see dark clouds forming in the sky. But as soon as she made it over to us, she transformed into Kushina.

Kushina was on the ground just rolling around laughing.

"HAHAHAHA! THAT WAS TOO EASY!" she said.

"Kushina-san, why?!" I whined.

"Well, you guys were talking about Haruno Masako, and I just thought of it as a good prank. And the look on your faces was totally worth it!"

"Kushina-san... You are starting to look like a tomato laughing like that..." I said.

Suddenly, I felt a chill down my spine.

"A tomato you say?" she said, with a scary look on her face. She began to laugh insanely.

"Rin-chan, I have a feeling we should run now..." I whispered.

"I agree!"

We both ran through out the village, just barely missing the Wrath of Uzumaki Kushina.

*OMAKE*

2 Years Ago

"M-My name is Fuji Akane... I like food, sleep, and puppies. I dislike the color pink and flowers. I like to make pies, sleep in different positions, and take care of my dog. My dream is to become a medic-nin!"

"Hmph. You're a boring little fuck aren't ya?" a grouchy pink haired sensei retorted.

"*munch* *munch*"

The pink haired Masako turned her head to the other side of the room to see a fat boy munching on some chips.

"Well, well, well... What's going on in this neck of the woods? Got somethin' to eat there?" Masako asked.

"*munch* *munch* I'm just eatin' some snacks..." he mumbled.

"Oh, snacks, huh. You, uh, like some snackage?" Masako asked.

"Mmhm."

"Fine, then I guess I'll just have to call you Fat-Boy, then." Masako-sensei said.

"Mmmm... I don't like that name." the Akimichi answered.

"You know, those are pretty high in calories. You, uh, you know whats a real good way to burn off calories?" she asked.

"What?"

For the rest of that day, the boy was running laps around the village. He ended the day sore, tired, and five pounds lighter.


	5. The Star of Pigsmiting

**(-_-)/ Yo. Baka-chan here, and for those who haven't realized, I use A LOT OF REFERENCES! Especially to anime abridged series. Like Masako is based on the ultra-hilarious drill sergent from the AoT Abridged by TFS (TeamFourStar). So, shout out to the Guest that reviewed and pointed out the reference. Thanks you awesome person! Your as cool as Gaara of the Funk. And if you got that reference, your even cooler.**

**And another shout out to an awesome follower of mine who always reviews, and this person has reviewed all of the chapters up to now. Himeno Kazehito, thanks again! ^^ And good luck on your finals! Put all of your cool and hip youth into it, and you will do great! XD**

I walked into my new class, this one would be stronger and harder than the year before. The teacher hadn't showed up yet.

I saw Obito and Rin in the class, sitting down near eachother leaving me a spot between them.

"Where is Kurenai-chan?" I asked.

"Well, she's not in this class." Rin said.

"She has one of the easiest sensei in the academy! It's not fair!" Obito whined.

"Do you either of you know who we will be having as a sensei?" I asked.

They looked at each other.

"Nope."

"Hm... I guess we will finding out soon." I said.

"CHA! ALRIGHT YOU BUNCH OF MEAT TOSSERS! I'M HARUNO MASAKO! I'LL BE YOUR SENSEI THIS YEAR!"

My eyes instantly widened with terror.

"Well... It seems I actually know most of you. There's only a few kids in here I haven't had in class. Hmph. Kids I don't know... Don't bother introducing yourselves. Your probably boring little fucks that I couldn't care less about. So! Let's get started on what we're doin' this year. We'll have a big camping trip this year, worth 60% of your grade. Then the other 40% is Genjutsu, Taijutsu, Ninjutsu, Chakra Control, Attitude, Cooperation, and my own personal opinion. This year is important so if you don't try, in the real ninja world, you'll be at a severe disadvantage. And for those with tiny vocabulary, if you don't learn nothing, YOU'RE ALL FUCKED!" Masako barked.

"Oh no..." Obito muttered.

"This is bad..." Rin whispered.

"Well this is not very good." I whispered.

"SO, YA LITTLE SHIT NOBBLERS BETTER PAY ATTENTION, YA GOT IT?!"

"Hai, Masako-sensei!" We all chanted.

"Hmph. Let's get started on Taijutsu then."

I got deeper and deeper into the art of fūinjutsu, and my chakra control, while not very good, is passable for my age.

And in a few months it was time for the Annual 2nd Year Survival Test.

We were to spend three days in the vast forests, defending for ourselves, finding food, making shelter, without our sensei's help. We had to get in groups of three, all had to be the same gender of course. And sadly we couldn't choose our own groups.

I was in a group with Rin, thankfully, and the class bad, but still it girl, Uchiha Aiko.

You can just smell how ecstatic I was to have to spend three days with an Uchiha as company. I had a feeling that we would fail this survival test.

"All right girls, you'll be camping out in Training Ground 13, no leaving your assigned Ground, because we do have Chūnin watching, and grading you. The goal is to survive on berries, and whatever meat you can find and catch. Remember the rules, am I going to have to tell you the Corn Cob story, again?" Masako-sensei said.

"No, Masako-"

"Two years ago, two boys had the bright idea to play a trick on the third student that they were assigned to. Some boy had a found wild corn out here, and they shoved it up the third boy's butthole! You know what happened to the two boys?! They were assigned laps, and you know what else? Their still doing those laps today. And the third boy? You know what happened to him?! He was asked to leave politely, and he claims to still sneeze up little corn kernals to this day! AND BELIEVE ME, IT WAS AWKWARD FOR EVERYBODY! CHA! SO IF YOU GIRLS DON'T BEHAVE YOU'LL FACE SOME HARSH CONSEQUENCES, YA HEAR?!"

"Yes, sensei..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... Can we just get this started already?" Aiko said.

"DID YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING, UCHIHA-BRAT!?" Masako-sensei yelled.

"Nah, nah... I didn't say nothing, Masako..." Aiko retorted.

"The Hokage said I can't beat the kids. Can't beat the kids. Can't beat the kids... Damn Uchiha... Prideful little fucks, all of 'em..." Masako-sensei walked away, seeming to be shaking in anger.

"Alright, Commoners. Here's whats gonna happen, your gonna find me food, your going to make shelter, and your gonna find water. Then, this will easy for all of us." Aiko said to us two.

"I don't think so, Aiko-san." Rin said.

"It's Aiko-sama, to you ya civilian scum." Aiko growled.

"How about we all do work, or if you really wanna act like that, Rin and I can just find ourselves some food, and water, and you find your own? Does that sound good to ya? Huh? Huh?! Because I am an Uzumaki, dattebana, and I won't stand for you talking to my friend like that." I said.

"Excuuuuse me? I am a clan kid. She's a civilian, and I'm royalty, I'm elite. Your clan is dead, no one remembers it, and no one cares about it. My clan is alive, and strong. It's the reason I'm the strongest in the class. So how about, you commoners get to steppin!" Aiko sneered.

Suddenly, my body moved on it's own, and my hand collided with her pretty face.

"Y-You hit me!" She said, tearing up. She began to cry.

"Um, Haru-chan?" Rin's voice said.

"Hm?" I grunted.

"Your hair, it kind of is moving..."

"It's an Uzumaki thing. Er... C'mon! Let's let this 'royalty' defend for herself." I said, beginning to walk away.

"But, Haru-chan!" Rin said.

"Are you coming?!" I exclaimed.

Rin ran after my retreating self.

"Alright, I have a few rations, but they would only last us a day. So we'll have to go and hunt, or make a fishing pole and go to the river that runs through all of the Training Grounds. Because I do not know about you, but I failed the Berries portion of our Survival Mechanics Written Test." I said.

"I have a few veggies. I also brought a water container. What are we going to do about shelter?" Rin said.

"I say near the river, yet far away enough to be where the ground is dry, so there won't be leeches." I answered.

"Sure, that works!" Rin said.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I hear a scream.

I instantly get up.

"It must be Aiko." I said.

"Lets go help her, Haru-chan!" Rin said.

"I will pass on that. I told her that she would have to take care of herself. Plus, Masako-sensei said that a few Chūnin are watching us, and the poisons out here will not kill us, just put us through an enormous amount of pain. And the Chūnin will not let anything kill us, just slightly injure us. So whatever it is, it will not kill her. It won't even be slightly fatal." I said.

"Haru-chan! I know you're angry at her for being mean to us, I'm angry at her too! But she's still a comrade! We have to help her!" Rin exclaimed, beginning to run towards the scream.

I sighed because I knew she was right.

"Fine! But I bet she's not even in trouble! I bet she is testing us, to see if we are actually going to help her." I muttered, as I ran.

"Thanks, Haru-chan..." Rin said.

"It is not like I am worried about Baka-chi at all. I am just making sure that you are not just prancing into danger." I said.

Then, we were in the bushes, and I stopped her where we could see Aiko clumsily throwing kunai at a boar.

I smirked as I stood up. Right at that moment, she was hit by the boar. She flew back and was glaring at the animal.

"WHY THE HELL CAN'T I KILL AND EAT THIS STUPID PIG!?" she yelled.

"Congratulations, you successfully got defeated by a pig." I said.

"Hey! Fuck you! That's like the pig from hell, you asshole!" Aiko exclaimed.

"Hmph, really?" I said.

I quickly took out a shuriken and threw it at the pig's head. Didn't taint the meat itself, and it showed just how good of a throw I can be.

"My god! I have stumbled across the most powerful weapon in history! The mythical Star of Pigsmiting! For you see, long ago, this shuriken was forged in the fiery pits of hell, by the grand blacksmith, Lucifer himself, in a time, before the Sage of Six Paths himself! When we lived in world without chakra..." I started on my sarcastic story.

"This is gonna take a damn long time..." Aiko mumbled.

"Might as well get comfortable, Aiko-san. Once Haru-chan gets into her inner sarcasm, it takes her a while to snap out of it."

2 Hours Later...

"Then, Morcious, King of the Shuriken, fell to his knees and parished. Leaving behind his most powerful weapon. For he knew, that one day, it's power would be needed, once more." I finished, before snapping out of my sarcastic state.

"Are you done, Uzumaki?" Aiko asked.

"Yes, yes I am. But the Legacy of the Star lives on!" I said.

"Good, because the pig you killed is done cookin' and I'm sure as hell hungry after your long ass story about weaponry." Aiko said.

I looked over at Rin who had made a fire.

"Rin-chan! I am so sorry I did not help you out with the pig! I do not know what came over me!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, its fine. Plus, I got to listen to a really interesting story while I cooked." Rin said.

"Did you help with anything, Baka-Chi?" I asked.

"Baka-chi?! What the hell is that, ya apple lookin asshole?!" Aiko growled.

"Heh.. Hehheh... Translation is she was too focused on your fascinating story about the Star of Pigsmiting, and she just so into it, she couldn't do anything else!" Rin said nervously, trying to make things more peaceful.

"WHAT THE HELLS A BAKA-CHI, RINGO*!?" Aiko yelled.

"You are stupid, and your big eyes look like a chihuahuas that some of the Inuzuka have. So, therefore you put two and two together, and you get Baka-chi." I said with a struggling calmness.

"Damn you, Baka-Ringo."

Suddenly, two fists collided with the both of our heads.

"You two need to cut it out! Remember, Masako-sensei said that part of our grade is based on Teamwork which is one of the most important parts of being ninja! So we all need to work together to find food, water, and survive! Seriously!" Rin yelled.

"Ow, Rin-chan, that really hurt!" I said.

"Fuck you, ya dirty bitch!" Aiko exclaimed.

"What the hell did you just say, dattebana!?" I exclaimed.

"Fuck you too, Baka-ringo!" Aiko yelled.

"Just because you use adult words does not mean you sound the least bit cooler." I retorted.

"That was a nice comeback, Uzumaki-bombastic... How do you plan to retort, Uchiha-brat?" Masako's voice said from the bushes.

"Uh, I think I was gonna loop back to something about her clan..." Aiko said with a 'What the hell?' look on her face.

"That could work quite nicely. You know would work even better? Setting up shelter, AND GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP!" Masako's voice said.

"Actually, that probably would be a good idea... But, I kind of suck at making shelter. Masako-sensei wouldn't let us use tents..."

"Leave it to me, Commoners." Aiko said as she put on some gloves.

In about five minutes she had a very well put together shack like monstrosity out of leaves, wood, and mud.

"Hmph, easy as cake!" Aiko said dusting off her hands.

"So you are somewhat useful." I said.

"Nice job, Aiko-san!" Rin said.

She seemed at her peak of happiness when she was somewhat praised.

The next day, Aiko woke me up.

"Teach me to catch food." Aiko said.

"Wha? Would you not rather die than have me teach you or something? I thought we were getting to rival status." I muttered.

"I want to kill and provide todays dinner." she said darkly.

"Hmph, maybe when its daylight." I grumbled.

She punched my shoulder, "Now, I don't want a soul to know that an Uchiha Elite got help from a distant relative of the Senju." Aiko said.

"No. Way. In. Hell." I said.

"I know your angry at her! I'm angry at her too! But she's still a comrade and we have to help her!" Rin's voice rang in my head.

"Hmph. Fine. Its easy, and if you listen, I can go back to sleep in the next 10 minutes." I grumbled.

10 Minutes Later

"Where the hell did this stupid snake come from!?" Aiko yelled. The snake was holding her by the ankle with its tail.

"Well, this can be your first kill, okay?" I said sweetly.

"IT'S ABOUT TO FUCKIN' EAT ME! WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?!" she yelled.

"Calm down, calm down. You have everything you need to defeat it." I said.

"The power to believe in myself?" she asked.

"No... A knife. Stab it!" I snapped.

"Oh..."

2 Agonizing Minutes Later

"Well... You successfully killed it. BUT YOU CUT THE MEAT, AND ITS ALL OVER THE BLOOD AND GROUND! YOUR KUNAI WAS POISONED SO WE CAN NOT EAT IT!" I yelled.

"Well, its not like I'll actually ever need this stupid skill! I'll live off of rations!" Aiko said before stomping away.

"So I got up to help her, out of the goodness of my heart, FOR NOTHING?!"

Two Days Later

"Alright, Uchiha-Brat, Uzumaki-Bombastic, and Rinny-Girl. You all made an A- on your Survival Test. You showed good teamwork by getting over your differences and teaching each other. But, you forgot you all had to get berries out there! CHA! THAT WAS 5% OF YOUR GRADE! But, you all did passable." Masako said.

Rin and I did a high-five.

I looked over at the pale, stone faced Obito.

"You okay, Obito-kun?" Rin asked.

"That was the worst three days of my life." he said.

"Did someone shove corn up you butthole?" I asked curiously.

His eyes widened, "No way! Just three days without my friends! I MISSED RIN-CHAN, HARU-CHAN, AND EVEN THAT JERK KURENAI!" he cried.

I patted his head.

"How about we all go get ramen together? We'll invite Kurenai-chan, and have fun!" Rin said.

"That's a good idea, Rin-chan! Your such a genius!" Obito exclaimed.

"Oi." a voice said from behind me.

We turned around to see none other than Uchiha Aiko.

"What would you like, Baka-chi?" I asked.

She gave me an angry look before looking down at her feet.

"Grr... I-uh-I wanna... Ughhh..." she seemed to be struggling with saying what she wanted to say.

"Sure, Aiko-san. You can eat ramen with us." Rin said.

"Th-Thank you, Rin-san..." Aiko whispered before giving a small smile.

I gave her a slight smirk, and she gave me one with a slightly evil glint in her eyes.

"Hey, Uzumaki. What do you say about being rivals? Or frenemies?" she said.

"Hm... Well... I read that having a rival for competition purposes can be very good for ones development. I accept, Baka-chi." I said.

**('-') / Hi there again, Baka-chan here and I just want to thank you for reading, and maybe, if its not too troublesome, give me a review or two? Maybe? **

**Yeah, I love those long reviews that tell me what to improve on, or just what you like and don't like. They help me get better, dattebana! ^^ Couldn't help it...**

**Anyway, don't be ghost readers, please and thank you! **

*ringo means apple


	6. Moo

**Hey! More props given to Himeno Kazehito for recognizing my Toradora reference! And you asked, Jazzbelikova101, and I delivered! More Naruto Abridged references, since you noticed my Gaara of the Funk *cue flashing lights* _Gaara of the Funk! _It was kinda hard since I don't have Emo or Stupid Bitch to work with. So I added a little something in there for a few favorites of mine!**

It was finally my last year at the Academy.

Three years since the Camping Trip, and thankfully I didn't graduate early. But I was scared that right when I graduated, they would shove me to the front lines. I knew a few Water Based jutsu from Kushina, actually a lot of what I knew came from the red headed woman. As I got to my last year, the copper in my hair turned to pure red.

Though I was okay at taijutsu and ninjutsu. And absolutely worthless at genjutsu. What I excelled with was fūinjutsu, it was natural to me, but I guess it was because it was in my blood. My grudge against the Uchiha clan somewhat faded away, with the close friendship I had with Aiko and Obito.

In class, with Amai-sensei, we were learning about the Shinobi Rules, and stealth techniques. And recapping what we learned in the last five years. Really, it was easy. We did get harsher training, and went over the basic Academy Jutsu.

But when I wasn't at the Academy, I was training with Kushina, Minato, or with my friends.

Rin had decided she was going to be a Combat Medic-nin.

Kurenai was going to be a Genjutsu Specialist.

And Obito didn't let go of the dream of becoming Hokage, which I told him I would become Hokage before him.

And Aiko had no idea. She just wanted to be, quote, "A BAD ASS SEXY KUNOICHI OF SEXY BADASSERY!"

I of course was going to become Hokage.

The last year came and went. And I had passed our Final Exams, and I was sitting in the classroom waiting for Team Placements.

"Kay, brats! Team 6, Hyūga Nori, Nara Kai, and Uchiha Aiko."

"EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME?! THIS IS STUPID! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PUT A DAMN HYŪGA WITH AN UCHIHA!? HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF CLAN RIVALRIES, MASAKO-SENSEI?! THATS LIKE PUTTING CHARMANDER AND SQUIRTLE IN A SMALL ROOM TOGETHER TO BITE EACH OTHER TO DEATH!" Aiko yelled.

"You've been reading a lot of manga haven't you... Wait a minute... CHA! SHUT THE HELL UP UCHIHA-BRAT! AND LET ME FINISH! Ahem. Your Jonin sensei will be me, Haruno Masako. I just turned Jonin and since there's a lack of Jonin in the village, I get to be your oh so lucky Sensei." Masako said with a smirk.

Aiko paled and looked like she feared for her life.

"My life will be in the hands of a mad woman, with bubblegum pink hair, and a voice of a banshee! I'm dead. I'm going to die a horrible death. And in my last breath, I will call out of the name of my lover... Kurenai-chan~~!"

"Don't drag me into your weird fantasies, Baka-Chi." Kurenai said.

"I think I will just ignore the damn Uchiha girl..." Masako-sensei mumbled.

"Anyway, Ahem. Team 7, Uchiha Obito, Uzumaki Haru, and your third member of your team will be revealed at your team meeting. And your sensei will be Namikaze Minato. Wait a minute... Damn Minato-kun went and added a note on the side... Oh, you two are to meet your sensei at Training Ground 7 at 12:00 pm. Apparently he has things to handle right now. So... Yeah... I'm done..."

"Hey! What about us?!" a random kid exclaimed.

"Lets see, did I remember Kurenai? Yes... Gai? Sadly... Yep, your not special enough, you don't contribute to the future in any way except as canon fodder." Masako said.

(A/N Sorry, I had to break the fourth wall there. Please ignore that, its not like this is meant to be serious.)

"Mah mum thinks I'm special!"

"Well, your moms a skank." Masako retorted.

Obito and I left awkwardly along with the other classmates.

"So, do you know our sensei, Haru-chan?" Obito asked.

"Yes! He's a really powerful shinobi, and he's Kushina-neechan's boyfriend. Or as she says boy thats a friend thats strictly friendly, so no where near the love zone. Though, I beg to differ!" I said.

"Oh... Okay... So do you know who's gonna be our teammate than?" he asked.

"Hm... I believe he had an apprentice... But he never really talked to me about him much." I said.

"Oh, so should we go home get some bento then go to the training ground?" Obito asked.

"Yeah, I'll go get some riceballs... So, I'll meet you at the training ground, Obi-kun! Try not to be late this time!" I called, running off to Kushina's house.

I ran inside and she already had my bento in her hand giving to me. She also gave me four cartons of milk.

"Milk is one of the best things to drink while working out, dattebane! I got some for your teammates and Minato-san too!" she said.

"You knew, didn't you?" I asked as I got my sealing supplies together along with all of my ninja tools.

"Of course! Minato-san told me the other day!" she said.

"Why does no one tell me these things, dattebana?!" I exclaimed.

I began to run out the door when I heard her call, "Be safe~~"

"Bye!" I yelled, running to the training ground.

"So, shall we go eat our bento at our training ground? The third member of the team will be waiting there." Minato said.

"Kakashi-san?" I asked.

"Yes, thats him. You remember him from the park where you met Rin-san and Kurenai-san?" he asked.

"Was he the jerk in the tree reading about a world with no ninjas that killed big naked things?" I asked.

Minato chuckled and nodded.

"Oh, that makes me feel just peachy, dattebana! I bet he hasn't gotten anymore social skills since we were kids. Even I've gotten better, I thought I'd forever worry about having to change my name to Hideyoshi." I muttered.

"He's not that bad..." Minato said.

"Oh really? What is his normal conversation topic of choice? Physics? The psychological state of the average killer? Or maybe its like that one Akimichi that talks about eating crayons, because the blue ones are too tart." I said letting my sarcastic self take over.

"None of those... He just isn't the biggest on light hearted conversation, if you will..." he said.

"Oh yeah, forgot. Here, Kushina told me to bring you some milk... Something about it being good for working out or something. Oh god, we're not doing soft core training are we?" I asked.

Minato just chuckled but remained silent.

I looked up and saw Kakashi sitting at a table reading.

"Minato-sensei..." he said. He looked at us two.

"Is this one of the Genin that you're supposed to be teaching?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes it is." Minato said.

I handed Kakashi the milk carton.

"Peace offering." I muttered.

He calmly took the milk carton and shook it.

"Moo..." Kakashi said with a, asumed, straight face.

"Moo?" I asked.

"Its what a cow says, did you not hear?" Kakashi asked.

"I heard, but why did you say moo?"

"Milk comes from cows..." Kakashi deadpanned.

"What do you say when you drink water? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH, for the sound of hydrogen?" I asked.

(A/N Oh physics reference... Oh, these kind of references make my little heart sing ^0^)

"Um... Okay! Now, time for introductions! I'm Namikaze Minato. I like training, reading, Kushina-chan and her cooking, our village and its people, Haru-chan, Kakashi-kun, and even Obito-san, despite the fact that he's late. I don't like people who try to harm our village. My hobbies are training, reading, and training my students. My dream is to become Hokage." Minato said.

He pointed at Kakashi.

"I'm Hatake Kakashi. I don't like much of anything. Reading, and training, I guess. I dislike those who break rules. My hobbies are to train. My dream is to become a part of the ANBU." Kakashi said.

"Boring... Ahem, My names Uzumaki Haru! I like to spend time working on fūinjutsu, napping, and reading! I also enjoy spending time with Kushina-neechan, Minato-niisan, Obito-kun, Rin-chan, Kurenai-chan, and even Baka-Chi. And udon! Can't forget udon! I don't like mean people, those who use their power for evil means, cherries, genjutsu, and rodents. My hobbies are working with Uzumaki fūinjutsu and becoming a better kunoichi! My dream is to become Hokage, before Obito of course!" I said.

There was a moment of silence before Kakashi spoke up.

"How was mine boring? Mine was the more or less same as yours, yet shorter." he said with a glare.

"Oh, I don't know... I just think theres something about you I don't like, and I most likely will have a witty retort to whatever you choose to say." I said.

"I'm not the one that was going on about hydrogen and Quantum Mechanics." Kakashi said.

"Oh, touché..." I said.

"Hm."

"Nice use of human speaking intelligence, there sippy." I said.

"Hn."

"You realize you need an IQ of like 11 to grunt, so your really showing your intelligence right now."

"I feel like this team is going to be really successful." Minato said.

"Oh, really Minato-niisan? Is the only two that you've met so far, really showing that much compatiblity?" I asked.

"With work..." Minato said.

"Joy..." I muttered.

After we all finished our bento, we were stuck waiting on Obito, who took forever. I ended up falling asleep just to be awakened by, "I'm gonna be Hokage! Once I get my Sharingan I'm gonna kick everybodys butt, and I'll become Hokage so fast, you won't know what hit ya!" Obito said.

"Says the one that was late. How about once you get your Sharingan and become efficient enough to be able to get places on time and not be obviously an idiot, maybe then you can talk about becoming Hokage." Kakashi said.

"What'd ya say, bastard?!" Obito exclaimed.

"You know, Obi-kun, you seriously just said you were gonna be Hokage, and you didn't even tell our sensei or our new teammate your name." I said.

"It's Uchiha Obito, next Hokage!" he said.

"More like the Hokage after me..." I said.

"Well I'm glad I have a team filled with kids that share my dream!" Minato said.

"Hmph, sorry Minato-niisan, I'm not letting you become Hokage before me, dattebana!" I said.

"Oh really? Well that brings me to your test. You see these two bells? You just have to take them from me, and who ever gets these bells gets treated to dinner, and they pass my test and will be on my team. Simple as that. And if you don't get the bells, you'll be sent back to the Academy, simple as that." Minato said.

"Oh... No pressure..." I muttered.

"But, Minato-sensei! We'll never get the bells from you! You're a Jonin, an elite super victory ninja!" Obito exclaiemd.

"Not with that attitude! Now, start!" he said.

We all began to do our own individual attacks.

Obito using his average level taijutsu along with the occasional fire jutsu, Kakashi with his fast paced super speed/agility/badassness, and me with weapons shooting out of seals and doing the small scale water jutsu (since I knew only like three).

I was soon out of breath, Obito looked winded but not finished, and Kakashi seemed to be doing fine.

"Guys, I have a plan!" I said.

"Should you really be saying that when Minato-sensei can hear?" Obito asked.

"This is a plan he can't escape from. Someone runs really fast around him, one jumps on top of him, and one goes for the middle." I said.

"Obito top, I'll do the middle, Haru do the running." Kakashi immediately commanded, and we sprang in to action.

The plan was an utter failure. As I was running, as Minato quickly made his escape in front of me, I leaped at him, and he turned into a log.

"Dang it, why do I always mistake those for humans?" I muttered as I fell and hit my head.

'Man... I feel like I spent the entire week playing Everquest non stop, and then I went for a jog... Heh, heh... Who plays Everquest anymore?' I thought.

"Sensei! You killed Haru-chan! You bastard!" I heard Obito shout.

"She should be fine... But if she gets hurt, Kushina's gonna kill me!"

"Moo..."

"Erg... I'm fine... I just see a few red sheep, jumping over a fence. Its quite cute, really..." I muttered.

"Oh my god, she has a concussion... How am I gonna hide this from Kushina?" Minato muttered.

"I've gotta lovely bunch of dragon balls... Big ones small ones... All as big as my head, and bigger!" I sang happily until I fell asleep.

I woke up in bed with a worried Kushina over me.

"Did we pass the bell test?" I asked.

"Yes, your official Genin, and an official member of Team 7!" Kushina exclaimed.

"Cool! Yeah, no one's gonna mess with Canada now, eh!" I said.

Kushina groaned and pushed the ice bag on my head a lot harder.

"Go back to normal, kiddo. It creeps me out to see you singing about the monstrocity that is logs." Kushina muttered.

**(^o^)/ Hows it going? Baka-chan here, and I hope you liked this episode filled with references galore, as usual. Maybe that'll be a running gag or something, I don't know...**

**Anyways, here's the normal, Don't be Ghost Readers, because reviews make me happy. Tell me what you want more of, and it makes me go back and rewatch some old favorites of mine!**

**So with that said, I hope you enjoyed and maybe had a laugh two, since even though the first chapter might have made this look serious, its under humor for a reason. It's just a little I don't know, romantic comedy perhaps. Just Not forever. It will go serious eventually!**

**And now, I can say, you guys be safe! ByeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEE~ Oh, I just did another reference XD This is madness! Oh my god I need to stop typing now, Believe it! Okay, I'm seriously done now.**


	7. I Need An Adult

"All right, roll call Kakashi-kun!"

"Hm..."

"Haru-chan!"

"Right here, dattebana! And question... Why the hell are you doing a roll call when its obvious that Obi-kun's the only one thats not here?!" I exclaimed.

"It makes me feel official." he said with a smile.

"Your a Jonin, you should feel freaking official enough!" I mumbled.

"What'd you say, Haru-chan?" he asked.

"Eep! Nothing at all, Nii-san!" I said nervously.

"My teammates are all idiots." Kakashi said.

"Did ya say something, Sippy?" I growled.

"New nickname for me, Ringo-chan?" he asked.

"Your a double deckered swine flatulence!" I yelled at was an awkward silence.

"Did you just call me a pig fart?" he asked.

"No... Thats how STUPID people say it! Its swine flatulence you meat tosser!" I retorted.

-Elsewhere, Masako was yelling at her own three genin when she felt the sudden urge to punch Uzumaki-Bombastic...-

"YOUR HOKAGE HAS ARRIVED!" Obito shouted as he walked to the group.

"Sorry I'm late... There was an old lady who had fallen and I had to help her to her house." Obito said.

"Your late for our first mission. Some Hokage that we're going to have." Kakashi said.

"KAKASHI! YOU BASTARD!" Obito yelled.

"Um, Minato-niisan? Am I going to end up being the normal one this group?" I asked.

"I don't think we will have a normal one in this team." he said.

"We have a hyperactive Uchiha, a silent jerk of a Hatake, then me..." I said

"The one with a witty retort, and a hatred of logs." Minato finished.

"Death to them all!" I whispered.

Minato gave a weird smile before proceeding to pull Obito off of Kakashi.

"So, I think its time we start on our D-Rank!"

"Sensei... Why do I have to go back to doing D-Ranks?" Kakashi asked.

"Shut it, sippy! Let him say what we have to do, kay?" I growled.

Kakashi grunted at me as he narrowed his eyes.

"We will be babysitting a boy named Kaioh Ken." Minato said.

"Kaioh what?" Obito and I asked.

"Kaioh Ken. His dads on the Council and he's at an important meeting with the council. So we have to spend the day with the boy." Minato said.

"Where are we going to be getting the boy?" Kakashi asked.

I zoned them out when I leaned towards Obito.

"Kaioh what?" I asked.

"I have no idea..." Obito whispered.

"We'll just call him Kaioh-kun then, I guess..." I whispered back.

Obito nodded.

"Now that you have all the information you need on our client, we can move out!" Minato said.

"Yes, sensei!" Kakashi answered.

"Um... Yeah, go team, go..." I said awkwardly.

"Ano... Sensei... Can you perhaps repeat all the information you said?" Obito asked.

Kakashi hit him on the back of the head.

"Do you listen? Even the apple girl was listening." Kakashi said.

"Y-Yeah... Totally..." I said.

Somewhere at this time, Minato-sensei said he had to run and disappeared.

I looked at Kakashi who had his head in his hands.

"Uh, Sippy? You okay?" I asked.

"I just had a brain aneurysm out of sheer stupidity." Kakashi grumbled.

"Wow, Kakashi! I didn't think you were that stupid!" Obito said laughing.

We walked to a large house where a small boy was waiting outside.

"Hello there, Kaioh-kun!" Obito greeted.

"You'll call me Kaioh-san, ya damn brat!" the kid said.

Obito was in shock.

"Hey, kid! I'm trying to be nice, and your just being a jerk! Let me at him! I'll demolish him!" Obito yelled as I easily held him back by the back of his shirt.

"Minato said before he left not to injure the client." I said.

"The rules say that if the injured gets injured or killed, we fail the mission." Kakashi said.

"Hey, mask kid! Let me see your face!" the kid said.

Kakashi gave him an emotionless look and didn't say a word.

"Your dead!" -Obito

"..." -Kakashi

"I wanna see your face, Masky! Batman! Sailor Moon! Tuxedo Mask! No Face! Rika! Let me see~~" -Ken

"I can tell already I'm gonna hate D-Ranks..." -Me

(0o0)/ Time Skippity Skip!

"Kushina-neesan! How much longer am I gonna have to do these stupid D-Ranks! The pay sucks! The people are rude! I realized I hate dogs! Kakashi's damn hamsters keep biting me anytime he summons them! AND MY SHIRTS PERMANENTLY SMELL LIKE POOP AND HOT POCKETS!"

"Well... Dattebane, you'll get C-Ranks once the Hokage thinks your ready." Kushina said.

"We've been training hard with Minato-niisan for six months, dattebana! Its so boring and there not even missions! We're just doing a bunch of lazy old people's chores and I'm sick of it! I'm just pissed that Obi-kun seems to enjoy it sometimes because he's helping the elderly. Half of them are twenty somethings that are inside watching Kiri Shore! I wanna C-Rank~~" I yelled.

"Well, Haru-chan, you may be ready for a C-Rank, but do you think the others are prepared for one?" Minato said from behind me.

"Eep! Minato-niisan... I-uh-dattebana-um... I-uh..." I stammered.

"Haru-chan, we'll get one soon, just be patient, then it'll be that much better when we finally get one..." Minato said before ruffling my hair.

"What is it with you guys and ruffling my hair? It's seriously not cool!" I said.

"Hey, Haru-chan... Didn't you say something about your shirts? Do we need to go shopping for some new ones?" Kushina asked.I could see a weird twinkle in her eyes.

"Um... I need an adult." I said in a panic.

"I am an adult." she said.

"Minato-nii-heelp. He left." I started.

"I, uh, have a problem with my banking account and savings account and I can't use either one for three business days, dattebana!" I said.

"I have cash..." Kushina said.

"I seriously need an adult, dattebana~!" I said loudly.

"Lets go, Haru-chan..." Kushina chanted coming towards me.

"HELP MEEEEEEE~~~~!"

-One Day Later-

"Whoa, Haru-chan, what happened to you?" Obito asked.

"Ch-Child abuse..." I whispered.

"More like she went shopping with Kushina-san." Kakashi said.

"How'd you know?" I asked.

"I could hear her yells and your screams from the other side of the village." Kakashi said in a deadpan.

"AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO HELP ME?!" I yelled.

"Frankly, like Minato-sensei, I'd rather not get inbetween Kushina-san and shopping." Kakashi said.

"WELL FRANKLY, YOUR AN ASS!"

**Next chapter... A nice little C-Rank! Now who can point out all of the references and where their from? Who will rise to the challenge? Of getting all of them. And I mean ALL of them.**

**I threw some in from other abridged series and movies. **

**Now, Himeno Kazehito, I know your awesome, and I know you guessed most of them. But no one has pointed out a few of the references I've put in here. You guys watch some more abridged series and come back.**

**HINT HINT- VIDEO GAME ANIME**

***cough* *cough* Okay, who ever gets all of the refernces up first, win a prize. **

**Now, don't be ghost readers y'all.**

**Review or Masako-sensei will come after you in your dreams... Nah, just kidding, plus that seems like it would be barrel of laughs.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	8. Worse than Death

HINT for another reference: Cartoon Parody (NOT FAMILY GUY).

"Why can't you tell us what our mission is before Obito gets here? He should have to figure out what our mission is himself, that's what he should get for being late all the time!" Kakashi said.

"Well, I feel like it would be best to have everyone here before I tell you about your mission. Plus, it looks like Haru-chan doesn't mind," Minato said pointing at me, who was looking red from anger.

"What's wrong, Haru-chan? Did something happen in that book?" Minato asked.

"ARGHHHHHHHH!" I yelled before going back to the looked at Minato.

"Um, is she okay?" he asked.

"She's probably at that part. Kushina-chan did the same thing when she read that book," Minato said.

"By book, you mean manga, right? Because it's hard for me to believe that the stupid girl would be able to read above a First Year Academy Student's level," Kakashi said.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, HITOMI! YOU'RE THE REASON SHE DIED! YOU SURE AS HELL BETTER FEEL HAPPY YOU'RE WITH CRIPPLE VIOLIN BOY!" I yelled at the manga.

"Okay, enough letting you go through Kushina-chan's manga for you," Minato chirped before taking away the book.

"Minato-sensei! That's not fair! I need to see how it ends!" I whined.

"How about you two try to get to know each other, become friends, or try to learn to think as a team," Minato said.

"But Sippy here is a total stick in the mud. Deep, DEEP in the mud. To where he has penetrated the Earth's crust and is now in the Earth's core!" I said.

"Maybe you just need to work on your own social skills, Ringo-chan," Kakashi retorted.

"Thank you for your input, Sippy. Now just drink your milk and SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I replied.

"Moo..." Kakashi whispered.

"I'M HERE, I'M HERE! Sorry I'm late, there was a really old man who was trying to cross the street. He was a really slow walker, and he wouldn't let me carry him to where he was going so I walked him the entire way to his house!" Obito said.

"They say a lie is all in the details...that one still sucked," I said.

"Haru-chan! Why don't you believe me?!" he asked.

"I don't know... Something about that screams 'I was stalking Rin-chan.'," I answered.

Obito's blush was about two shades darker than Kushina's hair.

"Obito, maybe you should consider leaving your house early. Maybe you can get here on time, and maybe try training for once. Maybe you won't be such a bother on missions..." Kakashi said.

"Hey, Sippy, at least Obi-kun over here is fun to have around unlike a grey haired masked boy we all know.!" I exclaimed.

"At least I'm a good ninja!" Kakashi retorted.

"_Every party needs a pooper and thats why we invited you~"_I sang.

"Go, Haru-chan!" Obito cheered.

"Okay! Today we were going to have a C-Rank, but I decided we'll do something else," Minato said.

"Wait, what?!"

"Why?!"

"Hm."

"You all have no concept of teamwork. You're all watching over yourselves and trying to do things your own way. When you all decided to work together during the bell test, you did well."

Yeah falling because of a damn log was really smooth.

"You will all do an exercise that you can not succeed at without teamwork. We won't be doing ANY missions until you complete this exercise," Minato said.

"Well what are we gonna do? Do the trust exercise and sing Kumbayah around a campfire?" I asked.

"No. You will be putting on a blindfold and going through an obstacle course with only your teammate leading you through with their voice. Each of you are going to have to get through the whole thing unscathed twice, once with each teammate," Minato answered.

"I'm dead. You know, Sippy over here is gonna lead me over a cliff, or make me step in the Inuzuka's dog crap or something! And Obito over here is gonna lead me to somewhere with a rat cause he knows I'm scared of those! How about we go with my previous suggestion of doing the trust exercise and singing Kumbayah around a campfire?" I said.

"Well if we do the trust exercise, how about we have you all fall backwards off of a 500 feet drop and your teammate has to catch you? Does that sound fun, Haru-chan?" Minato asked.

"Where's the blindfold, Minato-sensei?" I grumbled.

"All right, go on and eat lunch together at Ichiraku's or something and be back by three. Obito-kun, two for you. Now go. Eat and have fun," Minato said.

We all walked off in the direction of Ichiraku's.

"So, Sippy, how do you eat with your mask on all the time?" I asked.

"Hm," Kakashi grunted.

"How do you get your hair like that, Kakashi?" Obito was silent.

"What's your favorite food?" I asked.

"Do you like cats?"

"Why do you summon those hamsters?"

"Haru-chan, I thought they were dogs..."

"They're hamsters."

"Hey, Kakashi, are those hamsters or dogs?"

"Obi-kun, they're hamsters."

"Dogs.""Hamsters."

"Dogs..."

"Hamsters..."

"SHUT UP!" Kakashi finally yelled.

We all got strange stares from the civilians that were simply walking down the road.

"Whoa... You showed emotion," I said.

"I think the apocalypse is coming," Obito commented.

"I showed pure, utter, annoyance," Kakashi deadpanned.

"Ya know, Sippy maybe, if you got to know us, you wouldn't find us so annoying," I said.

"Or I could hear back stories and stuff that I couldn't care less about. A Quantum Super Computer could even begin to calculate how much I don't care." Kakashi said irritably.

"Kakashi! You are so rude to everyone! What the hell did we do to you, bastard?!" Obito exclaimed.

Kakashi was silent.

Obito was silent, but glaring intensely at Kakashi.

"Wow... We are just a gang of sunshine and gum drops, dattebana," I grumbled.

I suddenly heard the sound of a stampede.

"Wha-Whats that noise?" Kakashi exclaimed.

Obito and I looked at each other.

"Uchiha Aiko," we both said.

"RINGO-CHAN~~~~ CHIBI-CHAN~~~~~~ YOU HAVE TO HELP ME! FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS I'VE BEEN STUCK WITH NO ONE BUT THE SADISTIC, INSANE, OLD HAG OF A WOMAN, MASAKO-SENSEI, A BORING LAZY NARA, AND A TOTAL BITCHY HYŪGA! TRANSFER TO MY TEAM, PLEASE~~~" Aiko yelled.

"Baka-chi. Calm. The. Fuck. Down. You are acting like a mad woman," I said, grabbing her shoulders.

"You spend your quality time with Haruno FUCKING Masako, the queen of having NO FUCKING LIFE! It's enough to make anyone crazy. ANYONE!" Aiko yelled.

"It was enough having two loud annoying people. Do we really need another one?" Kakashi said.

Aiko glared at the emotionless grey haired boy.

"Who the hell are you, you pedophile-looking-Halloween-costume-wearing-grey-haired-fuck?!" Aiko growled.

"Hatake Kakashi," he said in a deadpan.

"Ahem. Is this the guy that Rin-?" Aiko started, and she stopped when I nodded.

"This guy? You can see one fourth of his fucking face. He looks like a skeleton with grey hair," Aiko said.

"It's silver," Kakashi stated.

"Yeah, grey," Aiko retorted.

"I'm confused. What about Rin-chan?" Obito asked, scratching his head.

"Nothing," Aiko and I said at the same time.

"Hm. I'm going to go eat so I can be back on time," Kakashi said, walking away.

"That's seriously your teammate?" Aiko asked.

"Yep, and he's a total bastard," Obito said.

"I have a feeling something happened to make him this way... Hm... Well, I'm bored now, lets go eat!" I said.

Aiko and Obito, already used to my strange serious to happy attitude nodded and followed me to Ichiraku Ramen.

Somehow, Obito wandered off while Aiko and I were arguing about what season it was (Duck Season. Plain and simple) and we ate separately from Kakashi.

"Well, Baka-chi, look at the time... It's almost three o'clock. I'm not going to pull an Obito, so I gotta go meet Minato-sensei," I said.

"Your still lucky you got the smokin' hot sensei. That man's fine self can make the sun start to sweat!," Aiko said.

"Baka-chi! You're sick! He's like a brother, you sicko!" I exclaimed.

"Brother to you, not me. You may be like a sister to me, but that doesn't mean I have any mental relation to the sexyful Namikaze Minato," Aiko said.

"Why can't you be like a normal Uchiha that is emotionless and mean?" I asked.

"Well I have one of those. I'm mean, sweet, beautiful, and I look like a female version of Kami-sama, perfect in every angle, curve, and edge," Aiko sang.

"You're a really conceited person," I deadpanned before walking away leaving her shaking her fist and yelling at me.

"Whoa, sensei, you sure got a lot done while we were gone," I said looking at the large obstacle course.

"Well, let's just say I've been planning on doing this for a while," Minato said.

I went and sat next a sleeping Obito, while Kakashi was training.

"ALRIGHT! FIRST UP IS HARU-CHAN!" Minato soon announced.

"Who is gonna cause my immediate death?" I asked.

"Obito-kun!" Minato said with a smile.

"I'm dead. I'm so so dead..." I began muttering.

"No need to worry, Haru-chan! I won't let anything touch you!" Obito said.

"I'm dead, dattebana... I'm gonna get crushed like a Kit Kat bar, dattebana..." I continued muttering.

"Alright, Haru-chan, here's your blindfold," Minato said handing it to me.

"Let's go, Haru-chan! I won't let anything touch you!" Obito yelled.

I sighed and tied the blindfold.

"Oh crap, dattebana..." I whispered stepping forward.

-10 minutes later-

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOTHING WILL TOUCH ME?!"

"Well, there was that one time..."

"ONE TIME?!"

"Okay, few times... But we did dodge that one trap..."

"THAT WASN'T A TRAP, IT WAS THE GROUND YOU DAMN IDIOT!"

"How about we try it with Haru-chan and Kakashi-kun now, see if we can try to get a little spark of good teamwork on this team," Minato said.

I tied the blindfold on again I yelled, "I'M IN SEVERE PAIN, LET OBI-KUN AND SIPPY GO! GIVE ME A REST!"

"It'll be okay, Haru-chan, I'm sure Kakashi-kun wouldn't do anything to hurt you..." Minato said ruffling my red hair.

"Now, START!"I stepped up and then I heard Kakashi yell, "DODGE!"

I jumped up, but apparently the attack came from above so I got a nice hit in the stomach.

"Why didn't you dodge, Ringo?!" Kakashi growled.

"You didn't give enough information, dattebana!" I retorted.

"You should have sensed it coming towards you," Kakashi said.

"Stop arguing you two, and continue!" Minato commanded.

I got up with shaking legs.

"Left or right?" I asked.

"What?" Kakashi said.

"Don't you know the basics of talking? Left or right? Which way do I go?" I growled.

I didn't want to fail. Because I knew that on real missions, the life or death kind, we'd need to have flawless teamwork. So I had to try to tolerate Kakashi's bitchery. And try to work well with my two male teammates whether I like them or not. Because I refused to be useless.

"Right," Kakashi said.

"Any dodging?" I asked.

"Dodge down," he answered.

-Many, many hours later-

"I," I panted hard "…think we got it..."

"That," wheeze "was hell... I thought," wheeze "I was dead..." Obito said in between wheezes.

"Not good to my standards... We're not even good to close. The ninja rulebook says that each team must have flawless teamwork, so that it will work efficiently and quickly," Kakashi said.

"Speaking of that, Kakashi-kun, since you all have finished this exercise, it's on to the test. And once you all finish this test, you can go on your first C-Rank," Minato said.

"What are we doing, sensei?" Obito asked.

"You all are going to use the blindfolds again and fight me while protecting each other," Minato said.

"Huh?" I asked."

It's simple. You're all going to have blindfolds on and fight me, or defend against me. It'll help you learn each other's fighting styles better, and help with teamwork and taijutsu! Killing three birds with one stone," Minato said.

"This'll be worst than death..." I muttered.

"What did you say, Haru-chan?" Minato asked.

"Nothing, sensei!" I said.

"Psssst... Obi-kun..." I whispered.

"What, Haru-chan?" he whispered back.

"If I die from this, will you wish me back with the Dragon Balls?" I asked.

"What?" Obito asked.I sighed,

"Nothing..." I said.

-Even more hours Later-

Bruised.

Beaten.

Stabbed.

Slashed.

Scratched.

Hurt.

Bluer than Happy the Cat.

Those were the words that described me after this harsh training. Though, after a while we were automatically able to side step each other, defend each other, and work okay together, it still was painful. We were going up against Minato, and he was going easy on us.

But once I got home, I was welcomed by my sweet, sweet, sealing ink and blank scrolls that were calling my little name.

"Hey, Haru-chan, Minato-san said that your ready for some more higher level fūinjutsu books since with your blindfold spar, you did well with trapping seals and weaponry seals. I brought you one that has very advanced stuff in it, so don't try out anything with out me here, dattebane!" Kushina said throwing me a large book.

"Big New Book! Big New Book! All for me! Big New Book!" I sang happily as I began to dive into more advanced fūinjutsu.

"Chapter One, Jinchuuriki... Sounds cool!"

* * *

Not many references this chapter, but next chapter, there will be references!

*PREVIEW OF NEXT CHAPTER*

"Alright maggots, since Minato-kun is away, I'll be filling in for your required Jōnin."

"Let me introduce you to an important concept that is hidden within my teachings..."

"I don't wanna die a virgin!"

"SUCK MY DICK~~~"

* * *

Alright, for normal stuff down here.

Don't be ghost readers, and Himeno-san. Sweet, sweet Himeno-san. You're getting there. There are a few references I hid in this story that no one has guest, Ku, got the reference I had given to the SAO Abridged Series by Something Witty Entertainment. I don't like SAO, but I love the abridged series! Now, can anyone find the others?

I suggest checking the chapter with the Bell Test Failure.

Next chapter... C-RANK WITH A JONIN THAT IS NOT MINATO-SENSEI! I bet you can guess just who it is.

Don't forget to review, and how about some good abridged series recommendations, please! ^-^


	9. Disfigured

"Listen up, brats. I'm the alpha dog here, woof woof. So you all listen to me, no matter what. No questions asked. If I tell you to abandon me, do it. If I tell you to go choke that hoe, you do it! Because if you don't, well. You gonna learn today!"

"Why are you here, Masako-sensei?" Obito asked.

"God damn it, Uchiha-Boy! YOU DON'T JUST ASK PEOPLE THAT, THAT IS FUCKING RUDE! AND SINCE YOUR A GENIN I AM NOW ALLOWED TO FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS! Ahem. Alright maggots, since Minato-kun is away, I'll be filling in as your required Jonīn. Get it? Got it? Good. Now for Team 7's first C-Rank!" Masako said.

"We will be escorting..."

"A Princess?!"

"No."

"A king?!"

"UCHIHA-BRAT I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP I WILL FEED YOU TO MY DEATH GOD!" Masako yelled at the boy.

"Seriously, Obi-kun, you need to stop pissing off Masako-sensei. Our lives are in her hands..." I said.

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" Masako yelled again.

Kakashi was sitting there just staring at the lot of us.

"Ahem, We will be escorting a young man that is the son of the leader of Shimogakure. While they do have ninja there, they don't have many, and most are protecting their village so that they won't be attacked by Kumo or Kiri. It's a small, poor village but it is paying money for the safe return of the man. He is waiting on us now, come along." Masako said.

We walked towards the Hokage Tower where a boy is standing.

"I take it that you're the four that will be escorting me back home." he said.

"Yes, thats us. Your Umikon Ichirou?" Masako asked.

"Yeah, thats me, Bubblegum." he said with a smirk.

He was a cute boy, looking no older than 13 or 14. He had light blond hair and deep green eyes.

Masako on the other hand looked ready to blow up on the boy, but for a second. She immediately calmed down giving a smile that made all the hair on my neck stand up.

"W-Well I am Haruno Masako, I will be the one leading this mission, Umikon-san. The kids here are Hatake Kakashi, Uchiha Obito, and Uzumaki Haru." she said, her eye still twitching.

The boy gave me a confident smirk.

He was immediately next to me.

"Why hello there, Haru-chan. I may enjoy this trip more than I thought I would." Ichirou said flirtatiously.

'Why do I have to always attract the weirdos?' I thought, as I smiled outwardly.

"Let's get going, dattebana!" I said cheerfully walking off towards the village gates.

"I like your enthusiasm, Haru-chan. I think I like you!" Ichirou said with a smile.

"This is gonna get old really fast..." Obito said.

"Shut up, you can't let the client know that you don't like him. You need to be patient and neutral." Kakashi said.

"Hey! Why don't you stop flirting?! It'll be annoying to here it the whole damn time!" Obito shouted.

"Oh and what are you going to do? Yell at me to death?" Ichirou asked.

"Well, looks like your not Obito's only rival..." I said to Kakashi.

"He might think he's my rival, but he's not." Kakashi deadpanned.

"You're an emotional fucking cripple. Your soul is dogshit. Every single fucking thing about you is ugly." we heard Ichirou retort.

"You bastard!" Obito yelled.

"Shut UP GOD DAMN IT! CHA! I WILL FUCKIN' BEAT YOU WITH MY PEACE PRIZE, LITTLE PRINCE OR NOT!" Masako finally yelled.

Obito looked at her in fear before hiding behind me.

"Scaredy cat." I said.

"Hey, she's a terrifying old hag!" Obito said.

Ichirou was glaring at Masako.

"Your single and a virgin aren't you?" Ichirou asked.

"I'm considering putting you in one hell of a genjutsu right now, then putting you in another one so you don't remember the genjutsu. Then we could have a nice quiet trip and I WON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU! CHA!" Masako yelled.

"Or... You can give the kid to us, and you'll have him off your hands. Before you die by our hands of course." a man's voice said.

I looked up to three men in Iwagakure uniforms.

"Tch. Over my dead body, ass wipe." Masako said.

"You Kakashi, Haru, you two use your teamwork to get the guy on the left. Obito, you protect the client. I'll get these two bastards." Masako ordered.

As I was about to run forward, Obito ran and began to attack the man.

Kakashi was also running forward.

"God damn it!" I said as I jumped in front of the terrified Ichirou.

I got out a few scrolls from my hip.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Obito!?" Masako yelled as she was fighting the two men, slashing with her Chakra Scalpel.

Obito ignored her as he performed Great Fireball Jutsu.

One of the man escaped Masako's clutches, as she was distracted by the other.

"Earth Style: Earth Fist Jutsu!" he yelled as his fist turned was covered my rocks.

I opened the lightning scroll, put a large amount of chakra in it, which caused it to let out concentrated lightning chakra right towards his hand.

"Fuinjutsu: Lightning Spear."

It went right through his earth fist, through his real fist. I could tell as he screamed in pain, and when he looked back up at me, I could see only part of his arm was hanging there, his hand completely gone.

He got out a kunai with his other hand, as he had tears run down his face.

I pushed the speechless Ichirou even farther behind me.

I knead my chakra inside of me as I began to focus it.

"Water Style: Liquid Bullets!" I said before I spit out high-speed water balls right towards the man.

He was hit once, twice. Then he was down on the ground with his face twisted in fear.

Suddenly, I realized what I had done.

"Good work, boys. Thanks for distracting him for long enough so I could defeat the first one, then kill this one." Masako said.

I was on the ground, knees sinking into the dirt looking at my hands.

"Uzumaki-Bombastic, whats goin-" she immediately stopped when she saw the disfigured body that was in front of me. Most of his right arm was missing, and there was a huge hole through his chest.

Masako-sensei walked up to me and quickly made sure that Ichirou was okay.

"You okay, Umikon-san?" she asked.

He quickly nodded, though he looked pale as a ghost.

Masako leaned down.

"Haru. You did well. You did what you had to do as a ninja. You protected out client, your teammates, and even me. What would I do, if you hadn't been there to defeat the guy behind me? He could have easily came up and killed me. Or he could have helped his other teammate out, and killed Obito or Kakashi. You did well. So stop moping so we can get a move on it." Masako said as she ruffled my hair like Kushina and Minato would do. I looked up at her and she gave me a kind smile.

"Let's go, kid." she said, helping me up.

"That means YOU TOO, CHA! Ahem, Umikon-san. Let's continue." Masako said, trying to calm herself down.

As we all began to walk, Masako turned to Obito.

"Now, about you, UCHIHA-BRAT!"

"Man, I really don't wanna die a virgin..." Obito mumbled.

* * *

Part 2 of this short arc, should be up soon!

I hope you guys liked!

Don't be Ghost Readers!

**[HINT for References]** Apples and the letter L


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